Matt,Adam,Michael,Mike,and Sam vs. DragonballZ
by Matt Ryan
Summary: A Story Where my Wacky, Zany Friends and I Battle to the Death Againsts DBZ! A Classic I Highly Reccomend.
1. Acts 1-12

The Crossover of the Century! It's...  
Matt, Adam, Sam, Michael, and Mike  
Vs.  
Dragonball Z

Cast:  
First of all, this story stars my friends and I. We attend a school near Atlanta, Georgia. If you're reading this and don't know who some of these people are, here are some quick character bios:

Matt Ryan- The author of this and many other stories. He's the de facto leade rof the group.

Adam C.- Second in command. Wears goofy Transformers and Thundercats T-shirts.

Michael O.- Takes woodclass and is obsessed with the "wood". Heh-heh.

Mike P.- No distinguishing faults to exploit and make fun of. But he's cool, so I put him in.

Sam J.- Obsessed with Gundam Wing.

Clint F.- Thinks he's cool, but he isn't. He really can use the Instant Transmission attack, though. No! Really!

Jerome "Joe" T.- Mr. Japanese Encyclopedia. Plans to be professional tyrannical ruler when he grows up.

Qeeqlegh- Known the world over as the cooloest person ever from Turkey, he's also a fictional character.

And now, our feature presentation...

Act 1

(Adam is in a amll town on Earth called Sancho Town. Suddenly, he is attacked from all sides!)

Adam: What the...? (Dodges the blasts)

Krillin: (Hovering down) Prepare to die, vile scum! DESTRUCTO DISK! (Hurls 10 whirling blades at Adam)

Adam: Damn you, bald midget of injustice! (Jumps the disks and kicks Krillin in the balls)

Krillin: ... shit ...

Adam: Why are you attacking me?!

Krillin: Your eyes are not abnormally large and you cannot fire Ki blasts! You must be an evil demon!

Adam: ...

Krillin: I'll... be back... (Grabs his crotch) ... bitch ...

End Act 1

Act 2

(Matt walks by a small pond. Suddenly, the large rock wall beside him erupts, revealing a waterfall. A green man in a turban and cape attacks!)

Piccolo: It is my duty to protect all waterfalls, for they are the only place I shall ever be found! If there are no waterfalls, then there is no Piccolo!

Matt: But...

Piccolo: Die!

Matt: (Stares at Piccolo) You're green.

Piccolo: So?

Matt: Green's a gay color, not that there's anything wrong with that.

Piccolo: WHAT?! Since when?

Matt: Since... uh, March.

Piccolo: NO! IT CAN'T BE! (Blasts mountain into oblivion) I MUST NOT BE GAY! CHI-CHI WILL NEVER LET ME GO AROUND THAT SWEET, YOUNG MANBOY GOHAN AGAIN! Wait! I know! Where's that damned skin dye?

Matt: (Raises his eyebrows)

Piccolo: What the Hell are you staring at, bitch?

Matt: (Quickly walks away) Yo momma's a bitch.

Piccolo: I heard that!

Matt: (Covers his mouth and exits)

End Act 2

Act 3

(Sam slowly walks through a random government facility. Suddenly, his arm is broken from a fierce kick to his side!)

Tien: How does that feel, eh?

Sam: (Pops the bones back into place)

Tien: What?! What the fuck?! I broke it!

Sam: Mission... accepted. (Punches Tien)

Tien: Are you insane?

Sam: I am the true heart of space. (Punches Tien)

Tien: Hey! Stop! That tickles!

Sam: This battle is meaningless.

Tien: You're nuts, you know that?

Sam: (Suddenly stops. His eyes widen. He pulls out a detonator and presses the button causing ten high power explosives on his chest to explode on his chest. Sam's charred body falls to the ground.)

Tien: (Stares) ... (Flies away)

End Act 3

Act 4

(Michael slowly swings through the trees on a sunny morning in northern Oregon. Suddenly, he is hit by... a fist.)

Michael: Uhnnnn...

Chaozu: Prepare to die!

Michael: (Pulls out a wooden club and whacks Chaozu) You are too weak.

Chaozu: (Falls unconscious)

Michael: I have won yet again! (Suddenly hit from behind)

Yamcha: Gotcha! Now I'll finish you!

(Suddenly, Yajirobe appears and gives Michael a Senzu Bean. He is instantly healed of all injuries and scampers away.)

Yamcha: What'd you do that for?

Yajirobe: I always deliver Senzu Beans in a pinch!

Yamcha: He was the enemy, fatass.

Yajirobe: Shit. (Killed by Yamcha)

End Act 4

Act 5

(Mike walks nowhere in particular. Suddenly, he is hit by a stray blast!)

Mike: AUUGGHHH! (Dies)

Puar: This proves that I am the strongest in the universe! I am a true Super Saiyan! (Goes Super Saiyan)

Vegeta: Wait! Puar! You're out of character! Those are my lines! Plus, you can't go Super Saiyan!

Director: No, wait! Let's run with this. Keep going Puar.

Puar: (Sticks his tongue out at Vegeta)

Vegeta: Bitch

Director: From the top! Action!

Mike: AUUGGHHH! (Dies)

Puar: I am all powerful! I am like a GOD!

Kame: Nuh-uh! I am!

Director: (Frowns)

Mike: Okay, screw this whole death scene thing. It's stupid! I'm going home. (Goes home)

End Act 5

Act 6

(Matt. Adam, and Michael meet up in an abandoned warehouse.)

Adam: And so... yeah. I like pie.

Matt: Me too.

Michael: Yeah.

Mike: (Walks in) Mmmmmmm... pie...

Sam: (Also walks in) Yes. Pie is quite meaningless.

Matt: Meaningless?

Adam: Aren't you dead?

Sam: Yajirobe gave me a meaningless Senzu Bean which healed my space heart... meaninglessly.

Michael: Yeah, but Yajirobe's dead too.

Everybody: ...

Matt: Whatever.

Adam: So... pie is good.

Matt: Yes. Yes it is.

End Act 6

Act 7

(Meanwhile, at Sky Palace...)

Piccolo: (His skin is now red) Hi, guys.

Everybody: (Looks at Piccolo)

Piccolo: What?

Krillin: You're... red.

Piccolo: ...Yeah?

Yajirobe: (Walks up) So, what are we gonna do?

Chaozu: We?

Yamcha: We aren't going to do anything. (Kills Yajirobe) Damn that fatass makes me so mad! He... he just makes me wanna... KILL! (Kills Mr. Popo)

Mr. Popo: Shit. (Dies)

Puar: Now, Yamcha, don't go killing people.

Yamcha: NO! I'LL KILL YOU, PUAR!

Puar: (Goes Super Saiyan and incinerates Yamcha) Well, shit. I guess we'll have to find the Dragonballs.

Goku: Yeah!

Krillin: Goku1 We all thought you were dead!

Goku: I am.

Krillin: ...

Everybody: ...

Goku: What?

Piccolo: So, you're dead. But... you're here?

Yajirobe: Hi, guys!

Everybody: ...

Goku: GAHHH! KAMEHAMEHA! (Kills Yajirobe)

Yajirobe: You guys, I did sorta wish for immortality in the manga! Duh!

Krillin: What?

Yajirobe: And you're a Saiyan!

Krillin: (Goe Super Saiyan) Well, whaddaya know!

Piccolo: In what volume did you wish to become immortal?

Yajirobe: ... uh... volume 50?

Gohan: I have every issue! There is no volume 50!

Yajirobe: Damn.

Krillin: But I'm a Saiyan, right?

Gohan: I'm... pretty sure it exists... (Digs through pile of comics) Nope. Can't find it.

Krillin: (Returns to human) Shit. You lied to me, Yajirobe! (Kills Yajirobe)

Vegeta: Sweet Jesus!

Piccolo: Yes?

Vegeta: ...

Piccolo: Kame's my father... sorta... and he's also God. So, logicaly I must be Jesus.

Gohan: Impeccable logic, butJesus doesn't molest little boys.

Piccolo: ...

Vegeta: Y'know, I could've sworn I was the psychotic member of the Z-Warriors.

Krillin: (Laughs) Actually, as it turns out, you're the only sane one!

Vegeta: I'm going to go blow up a planet. You guys suck.

End Act 7

Act 8

INTERMISSION

End Act 8

Act 9

Matt: So, shall we battle the Z-Fighters?

Adam: 'K.

Mike: But we're too weak! How can we hope to win?

(Suddenly, a giant, robotic foot steps on Relena Peacecraft, killing her instantly.)

Sam: Mission... accepted. Meaninglessly.

Everybody: ?

Sam: (Eyes widen)

Matt: Shit1 Hit the deck!

Sam: (His Gundam self-destructs)

Everybody: ...

Matt: Y'know, I bet he survivied that somehow.

Yajirobe: (Walks in) Matt! i bestow upon you my kitana. It can cut through anything!

Matt: Sweet!

Lion-o: Adam! I bestow upon you the Sword of Omens. It... is lame.

Adam: Uh, thanks... I guess.

The Punisher: AAAARRGHH! (Kill crowd of mobsters) Mike, take my overly large and limitless arsenal!

Solid Snake: And mine!

Gabe Logan: And mine!

James Bond: And mine!

Saddam Hussein: And mine!

Everybody:...

Saddam Hussein: What?

The Punisher: See you in Hell, bitch! (Kills Saddam) Goodbye Mike. And good luck.

Michael: I have my club!

Sam: All those who lay eyes upon my Gundam shall not live to tell about it. (Kills Treize Khushrenada)

Matt: Alright. It's settled. Let us fight... FOR FREEDOM!

Everybody:...

Matt: Oh yeah, AND PIE!

Everybody: YEAH!

End Act 9

Act 10

Bulma: Oh, Chi-Chi!

Chi-Chi: Oh, Bulma!

Goku and Vegeta: (Burst into room) HONEY?!

Bulma and Chi-Chi: (Pull blankets over eachother) EEEEK!

Goku: You're... cheating on me?!

Vegeta: Wiht another woman?!

Bulam and CHi-Chi: ...

Oolong: (Crawls out from under the blankets) What is it, ladies? I... OH MY GOD!

(Later...)

Jerry Springer: So, your wives were cheating onyou with eachother?

Goku: And a pig with metamorphasis abilities.

Oolong: It'll be morphin' time, all right, Goku. WHEN I'M KICKIN' YOUR ASS!

Goku: Oh yeah?

Jerry Springer: But Goku. Haven't you been hiding something as well?

Goku: What?

Jerry Springer: Okay. Everybody, let's meet... King Kai!

King Kai: (Walks out in a black leather bra and panties holding Bubbles and Gregory on spiked choke chains.)

Oolong: That you bitch, GAYku?

Goku: I will stick your head SO far up your ass!

Oolong: Bring it on!

Vegeta: (Holds his face in his hands) My God...

Jerry Springer: But Vegeta! You have a secret as well!

Vegeta: You wouldn't dare!

Jerry Springer: Sure I would! Let's bring out Master Roshi, Nappa, Raditz, Frieza, Turtle, and Trunks!

Vegeta:...

Goku: You own son? That's sick.

Chi-Chi: Turtle? You might die!

Bulma: Master Roshi? You definitely have every venerial disease in the book. (Vomits)

Vegeta: (Runs offstage)

Oolnog: Now this is sick.

End Act 10

Act 11

(Matt waves his sword in the air. )

Matt: Damn I'm cool. ( Does an intricate set of maneuvers and sheathes his sword)

Adam: Sword of Omens! Give me sight beyond sight!

Sword of Omens: Fuck you.

Adam: What?!

Sword of Omens: You heard me bitch! I ain't givin' no pussy sight beyond sight!

Adam: ... (Sheathes the sword)

Sam: Everything between Act 10 and now has been meaninglessly endless. Like a waltz. An endless waltz.

Everybody: ...

Sam: Mission... accepted. (Walks into shadows)

Adam: Right...

Mike: Anyway, we must kill the Z-Warriors.

Michael: Why?

Everybody:...

Adam: He's right.

Mike: This has all been just a big misunderstanding.

Matt: To coin a phrase, this battle would be meaningless.

Everybody: (Laughs)

Sam: (Cries)

(Suddenly, the wall bursts open and a tiny clown, a three-eyed circus freak, and a formerly green skinned alien enter.)

Chaozu, Tien, and Piccolo: Prepare to die!

Adam: That's amazing!

Mike: Let's go, bitches.

(A battle ensues. Michael pokes out Tien's third eye. Sam uses his Gundam, but it is blown away by the sheer force of Puar entering the room.)

Matt: Hey, Picoolo! Is your skin... red?

Piccolo: Yeah?

Matt: Red's a gay color.

Piccolo:... WHAT?! I THOUGHT GREEN WAS!

Matt: It is... but so is red.

Piccolo: NOOOOO! (Flies off)

Chaozu: No! Without Piccolo, we're screwed! (Runs away)

Puar: I could kill them instantly.

Tien: Let us retreat for now. (Leaves)

Puar: ...whatever. (Leaves)

Matt:... we won!

Sam: That battle was meaningless.

Everybody:...

End Act 11

Act 12

(Vegeta sits alone on an empty hillside.)

Vegeta: I should be ruling the universe! But NOOOO! Little Earthlings that cold kill me in a fraction of a second, such as Kakarot, Puar, and that stud, Oolong, are keeping me here on Earth!

Nappa: It's okay, Vegeta.

Vegeta: I... love you Nappa.

Nappa: I'm... dead, Vegeta. (His body decomposes in a fraction of a second)

Vegeta: Shit. (Wakes up)

Frieza: Wake up, sleepy!

Vegeta: Frieza?!

Frieza: C'mon, silly! (Motions for him to come)

Vegeta: I... love you Frieza.

Frieza: I'm... dead, Vegeta. (His body decomposes in a fraction of a second)

Vegeta: Shit. (Wakes up)

Manager: Hi, Vegeta!

Vegeta: ...what?

Manager: You're Vegeta, Prince of all Saiyans, right? Well, I'll bet, since you're a prince, you sing just like Prince! C'mon, silly. (Motions for him to come)

Vegeta: ...whatever. (Follows)

Narrator: And so, Vegeta went on to a succesful singing career. He had countless amounts of drugs, women, money, women, and women. He became very stubborn and obnoxious (like he wasn't already?) and changed his name to the Artist Formerly Known as the Prince of All Saiyans. Then he changed his name to a syambol: :)

Vegeta: Wait! THis is stupid! (Wakes up)

Bulma: Hello, dear.

Vegeta: Hello, skank! It was horrible! There was Nappa, and Frieza, and Prince, and... aren't you a lesbian?

Bulma: Yes, but it doesn't atter because I have an IQ of a Million Billion Zillion!

Vegeta: So... uh... was all this a dream? I mean, with Yajirobe, and Adam, and Red Piccolo?

Bulma: I... don't know!

Vegeta: OH GOD NO!

(Sudeenly, due to this realization, the entire universe implodes and reality twists inside out.)

End Act 12

To Be Continued in Act 13! Stay Tuned!  
BOOYA!~Matt Ryan


	2. Acts 13-35

Matt, Adam, Michael, Mike, and Sam vs. Dragonball Z, Pt. 2

Act 13

(Reality is rebuilt... blah blah blah... disregard Act 12...)

Matt: We won! (Cuts a building in half just for the Hell of it)

Adam: Yeah! (Tries to do an intricate set of maneuvers, but the sword will not move.) ...huh?

Sword of Omens: Fuck you!

Adam: God damn it!

Sword of Omens: No! Fuck you! I ain't lettin' no pussy perform an intricate set of maneuvers on me! Fuck that!

Adam: ... (Puts Sword of Omens in sheathe)

Sam: I WILL SURVIVE!

Mike: (Drops ten ton pile of weaponry) But you already died!

Sam: Blast you, Zechs!

Mike: ...I'm Mike.

Sam: Blast you,... M... M... Zechs!

Mike: No! It's Mike! M-I-K-E!

Sam: Blast you,... Z-E-C-H-S!

Mike: (Walks away)

Sam: ...blast you!

Michael: (Walks out of kitchen) Who wants pie?! (Suddenly trips over a small, round object. He falls and hits himself in the face with the pie.)

Everybody: (Laughs)

Michael: (Turns around and picks up the object) Hey! This is a Dragonball! With all 7 of these, we can wish the Z-Warriors dead!

Matt: Or for more pie!

Everybody: ...

Matt: Or not. (Whisper) Bitches. I just wanted some pie.

Adam: Let's gather these BALLS then!

Everybody: Heh-heh.

Mike: These BALLS will be HARD to find!

Everybody: Heh-heh.

Matt: It's gonna SUCK having to find these BALLS!

Everybody: Heh-heh.

Michael: I'll use my WOOD to find the BALLS!

Everybody: Heh-heh.

Sam: My balls are meaningless.

Everybody: ...

Sam: *Ahem!* My BALLS are meaningless.

Everybody: Heh-heh.

End Act 13

Act 14

(Piccolo walks into Goku's house, where everybody has inexplicably met. His skin is yellow.)

Piccolo: Hi, guys!

Krillin: Yellow? Why?

Piccolo: It's not gay! Right, Green Lantern?

Green Lantern: AIEEEE! TRAITOR! (Flies off)

Yamcha: So, we need to kill those guys, right?

Chaozu: Why?

Yamcha: DO NOT QUESTION ME! I'LL EAT YOUR CHILDREN! (Kills Chaozu)

Puar: Didn't I kill you?

Yamcha: ...Oh yeah! (His body decomposes in a fraction of a seond)

Vegeta: (Faints)

Chaozu: So I'm not dead?

Puar: No, you are.

Chaozu: ... (Dies)

Goku: Like I was saying, let's go! C'mon, Gohan!

Gohan: Fuck you, daddy! I just got my shipment of X-Men #1-350 and my Sailor Moon hentai videos! I'm checking them all out right now!

Goku: Do you want a spanking, Gohan?

Gohan: (Mocking) No! Don't rape me again!

Oolong: Yeah, GAYku!

Goku: Okay. That's it. I'm killing everybody.

Puar: NOOOOOOOOO! (Goes Super Saiyan and KO's Goku)

Vegeta: I'm going home. You guys suck.

End Act 14

Act 15

(At a large convention...)

Bald Midget 1: Krillin! Chaozu! WASSSSSAAAAPPPP?!

Krillin and Chaozu: WASSSSSAAAAPPPP?! Hey! It's Bald Midget 1!

Bald Midget 1: Hold on, my brother's on the other line... WASSSSSAAAAPPPP?!

Bald Midget 2: (On phone) WASSSSSAAAAPPPP?!

Krillin and Chaozu: (Into phone) WASSSSSAAAAPPPP?!

Bald Midget 2: Nothin' much. Jus' havin' a Bud. Hey, Chaozu! I thought you were dead.

Chaozu: I am.

Everybody: ...

(Suddenly, in a fit of rage, Green Lantern obliterates the building.)

End Act 15

Act 16

(On King Kai's planet...)

King Kai: Hey, Bubbles. C'mere.

Bubbles: Ooka! Ooka!

King Kai: How come I'm a big, fat idiot, but I'm also one of the strongest people in the universe even though I'm not and I've never even trained and even if I did I'd only be training with a cool ass playboy monkey and a really fast bug... thingie?

Bubbles: Ooka! Ooka!

King Kai: Oh wait! Now I remember why I'm strong! I trained under the great and powerful "Grandmasta' Clint"!

Clint: (Appears) Hi, King Kai!

King Kai: Hi... what the Hell? I'm a King? Of what, France? I hate the French!

Clint: No. Your parents named you King. Your last name is Kai.

King Kai: I still hate the French.

Clint: (Puts his arm around King Kai) We all do, King Kai. We all do.

King Kai: If King Kai's my full name, then why not just call me King? Or Mr. Kai? Or even Kingy?

Gregory: He's very "kingy".

King Kai: Shut up.

Clint: (Stares at King Kai) Ha! Ha! Ha! (Suddenly, he senses something.) Oh no! There's a new power on Earth! One stronger than anything I've ever felt! ... I must go... Kingy. *Snicker!* ... INSTANT TRANSMISSION! (Teleports away)

King Kai: What a bitch.

End Act 16

Act 17

Intermission

Commercial: Please come visit our snack bar!

End Act 17

Act 18

(Goku and Piccolo slowly fly North)

Goku: So, are we gonna kill those guys?

Piccolo: No. I don't want to see them.

Goku: Why?

Piccolo: They called me gay.

Goku: Um, aren't you?

Piccolo: ...

Goku: Of course you are.

Piccolo: (Stares)

Goku: ...I mean, of course you are.

Piccolo: (His lips quiver)

Goku: I mean... of course you are.

Piccolo: (Cries)

Goku: AREN'T! OF COURSE YOU AREN'T! ... Hey! Isn't that Matt and Adam down there?

Piccolo: ... *Sniff!* ... Matt? I'm not goin'.

Goku: Aw, c'mon.

Piccolo: He'll call me gay! Yellow isn't a gay color, is it?

Goku: Of course it is. SHIT! ISN'T! ISN'T!

Piccolo: (Crying) Whatever. Let's go.

(They fly down. Matt and Adam hold a total of four Dragonballs.)

Matt: These HARD to find BALLS sure are heavy!

Adam: Yeah... HEAVY BALLS!

Matt and Adam: Heh-heh.

Goku: Let's go, bitches!

Matt: Piccolo! I'm fighting you!

Piccolo: NO! GOD NO! FIGHT GOKU!

Goku: Actually, I was going to go home and let you fight both of them.

Piccolo: What?

Matt: Hey! Piccolo! What's with the yellow skin?

Piccolo: (Quickly flies off)

Adam: Good one!

Goku: You've won this time, but we'll be back. INSTANT TRANSMISSION! (Teleports away)

Matt: So... uh, we won?

Adam: ...yeah... sure. Hey! Is that a Dragonball?

Matt: That's five! Let's go home! (Leaves)

End Act 18

Act 19

(Krillin and Chaozu are hovering above a forest in Northern Oregon.)

Krillin: So... uhhh... Mike and Michael are down there?

Chaozu: Yeah. I guess. Hell, I don't know.

Krillin: 'k.

(Below, Michael swings through the trees. Mike lags behind, dragging enough weapons to obliterate Eurasia.)

Mike: So, there's only one ball here? *Huff!*

Michael: Yep.

Mike: *Huff!* Why do I gotta *Wheeze!* carry these weapons? *Pant!*

(Suddenly, Michael is hit by... a fist.)

Chaozu: I'll finish you now!

Krillin: Bald midget transforming power! ACTIVATE!

Chaozu: Bald midget transforming power! ACTIVATE!

(Krillin and Chaozu suddenly explode. Their body parts reform into one being. A bald midget.)

Krilzu: Prepare to die!

Michael: Uhnn... no! Fuck you!

Mike: (Slowly unzips 3-ton bag of weaponry.)

Krilzu: HYPER DESTRUCTO DISC! (Throws a really fast disc.)

Michael: NO! (Bats it away)

Mike: Hold... on... I'm... coming... (Still unzipping)

Krilzu: ...HYPER PUNCH! (Punches Michael)

Micheal: AAARRRGGGHHH! (Knocked out)

Krilzu: Time to finish this! BIGTIMEHURTYOUKILLBEAMTHINGI ETHAT- HURTSREALLYBAD! (Shoots a beam)

Mike: NOOOO! *Wheeze!*

(Suddenly, a being teleports in front of the beam. It is Clint. He knocks it away.)

Clint: Ha! Ha! (Teleports away)

Mike and Krilzu: ...

Krilzu: NO! (His transformation wears off.)

Krillin: Shit. Let's go home. (Leaves)

Chaozu: 'k. (Leaves)

Mike: (Fires gun he just pulled out of bag) Yeah! You better run! Hey... a Dragonball!

Michael: Let's go home. (Leaves)

Mike: 'k. (Leaves)

End Act 19

Act 20

This act has been left without content for comedic effect.  
Thank you.

End Act 20

Act 21

(Sam wanders meaninglessly through a random government facility.)

Sam: This wandering... it is meaningless.

Puar: Prepare to die!

Sam: Dying is meaningless.

Puar: Then... isn't life?

(Sam and Puar enter into a lengthy discussion about the meaning of life.)

Sam: I'll kill you. (Rips up party invitation which has appeared from nowhere.)

Puar: ...? Whatever. (Lets out primal scream of rage and goes Super Saiyan.)

Sam: Mission... accepted. (Fires blast of energy from his beam cannon.)

Puar: (Stands his ground.)

Sam: (Suddenly stops) I am the true haeart of space. (Blows himself up.)

Puar: ...uh... I AM THE MAN!

Clint: (Teleports onto the scene) The great power is here! It's... it's you? (Looks at Puar)

Puar: What the Hell are you lookin' at?

Clint: I have been sent here to kill you.

Puar: Why?

Clint: ...

Puar: (Stares)

Clint: ...

Puar: (Turns to leave)

Clint: ... because you're gay! ... *Snicker!*

Puar: It's go time!

Clint: Prepare to eat my ki blast! (Puts his hands together)

Puar: Huh?

Clint: KAMEHAMEMICHAEL'SGAY... HAAAAAAA! (Forces his hands outwards)

Puar: (Waiting) ... (Waiting) ... (Waiting) ...

Clint: Shit! Lemme star over!

Puar: Fuck that! (Incinerates Clint)

End Act 21

Act 22

(On King Kai's planet...)

King Kai: I hate my name! I'm changing it to a symbol: :(

Clint: (Suddenly appears with a halo over his head) ...SHIT!...

End Act 22

Act 23

(Sam, his body badly burnt and bruised, drags a few objects behind him. One is the seventh Dragonball. The other is his left arm which was horribly blown off. Or meaninglessly blown off. Whatever.)

End Act 23

Act 24

(Sam limps into the warehouse.)

Sam: ...hi... (Blacks out from loss of blood.)

Matt: That was meaningless.

Adam: (Laughs)

Mike: Shouldn't we get him some medical attention?

Everyone: (Stares) (Laughs uncontrollably)

Mike: Ha! Ha! I guess not!

Sam: ... (Still bleeding)

Michael: So... let's use the Dragonballs!

Adam: Alright!

Matt: Eternal dragon! I command you now! Hear my howl! To make my wish come truuuuuuuuuuuuuuueeeeee!

Shenlong: (Appears) WASSSSSAAAAPPPP!?

Everybody: WASSSSSAAAAPPPP?!

Shenlong: Nothin' much, just grantin' some wishes. Havin' a bud. Hold on, I have Perunga on the other line. (Into phone) WASSSSSAAAAPPPP?!

Perunga: ...shut up, Shenlong.

Shenlong: You wanna dance, old dragon?

Perunga: Let's go! Bring it on!

Adam: Boys! Boys! Stop fighting!

Shenlong: ...sorry...

Perunga: ...yeah...

Sam: (Stops bleeding. No more blood left to lose.)

Matt: Time to make the wish!

(Meanwhile, outside...)

Ash: Ha! Ha! Although I have completed my quest to become a Pokemon master, I shall begin a new quest that has no particular goal!

Pikachu: Pika! Pika!

Brock: I'm gonna go oogle over that Nurse Joy over there.

Nurse Joy: (Reaches into her shirt and pulls out her bra. It dangles from her fingers.) C'mere, big boy!

Misty: While you're being seduced by Nurse Joy, I'm going to go with Togepi and have hot girl/girl sex with Officer Judy.

Psyduck: Psy! Psy!

Misty: Not Psyduck! Togepi!

Staryu: Yu! Yu!

Misty: Not Staryu! Togepi!

Meowth: Fuck you, bitch!

Misty: Not Meowth, Togepi!

Frieza: Za! Za!

Misty: Not Frieza! Togepi!

(This continues until all 251 (252?) Pokemon and also every character from Digimon, Monster Rancher, Cardcaptors, the entire Cold Family, and, Hell, even Monster in my Pocket makes an appeareance.)

Misty: Not Megakabuterimon! Togepi!

(Another figure appears)

Misty: Not Superdupercalifragilisticexp ialidociousdoubleomegaasswhu ppingkab- uterimon! Togepi!

Ash: Right...

(Suddenly, a flaming chunk of Sam's Gundam falls out of the sky, killing everyone there.)

(Back inside...)

Matt: Well, the wish has been made!

Mike: Well...?

Adam: Yeah! Are the Z-Warriors dead?

Matt: Damn! ... I mean... of course!

Michael: What's that behind your back?

Matt: ...

Adam: It's a pie, isn't it?

Matt: ... (Falls down and cries)

Adam: Fuck! [Message From Adam C.: What are you doing, Matt? I don't curse! I especially don't say fuck! I mean, the F-Word!]

(Message From Matt Ryan: Shut up. It's my story. Go write your own story if you don't want to curse! So suck on that!)

End Act 24

Act 25

Goku: (Flies around Mustard Town) Hey! Krillin! Can't you fly any faster than that?

Krillin: Argh! I can't take it anymore! I'll be the fastest in the universe! (Reaches his breaking point and goes Super Saiyan.)

Vegeta: ...oh Hell no.

Super Krillin: What?

Vegeta: You are the LAST one to go Super Saiyan, alright?!

Super Krillin: Sure. Don't have a cow.

Chaozu: "Don't have a cow"? No one says that anymore! That makes me so... ANGRY! (Goes Super Saiyan)

Vegeta: NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!

Chaozu: Hey! Cool your jets, 'geta!

Vegeta: (Fires a blast. Blows up Pluto)

Puar (A Super Saiyan): (Flies far ahead of Goku. Farts.)

Yamcha: God no! Not a Super Saiyan fart! I'm going... over... THE EDGE! (Goes Super Saiyan)

Vegeta: I'm going home to hang myself, if you don't mind.

Gohan: (Reading comics) Yeah... sure... whatever...

Vegeta: (Goes home. Hangs himself. Dies.)

Yajirobe: (Slinks behind Super Krillin, who is now wearing a cape and his underwear on the outside in order to coincide with the name) Wow! Those guys are really powerful! What? I fell another power! It's... It's Raditz!

Raditz: Yes! It is I! Now I shall show you a true Super Saiyan! (Let's out a primal scream of rage. His 30 foot long hair turns gold.)

Yajirobe: I can do that too! (Goes Super Saiyan)

Raditz: I shall become an ascended Saiyan! (His hair lightens in color and grows to 50 feet. 3 people are smothered to death by it.)

Yajirobe: Oh yeah? Well... I'm fat!

Raditz: Bask in my power! (Goes Super Saiyan Level 2. His hair destroys a building.)

Yajirobe: Shit...

Raditz: MORE POWER! (Goes Super Saiyan Level 3. His eyebrows disappear. His hair grows to 500 feet. The death toll is at 118.)

Yajirobe: (Tipetoes away)

Raditz: NOW! THE ULTIMATE FORM! (Goes Super Saiyan Level 4. His hair returns to black. It levels the city.)

Yajirobe: (Gone)

Raditz: ...oh well. (Walks home)

End Act 25

Act 26

Intermission

Yajirobe: (On screen) Hi! I'm Yajirobe! When I'm in dire need of some instant health restoring goodness, I always turn to Green Giant Senzu Beans!

Jolly Green Giant: Ho! Ho! Ho!

Yajirobe: I'm fat! (Squashed by Giant)

End Act 26

Act 27

(In Japan...)

Japanese Lady: Hello! Welcome to Japan! We have happy fun good time, yes?

Shadowy Figure: Your king has returned, Japanese Lady.

Japanese Lady: Lord Joe!

Joe: Yes! It is I! Joe! Lord of Japan! Come, my slant-eyed slaves! We must destroy!

Japanese Lady: Destroy what?

Joe: (Laughs maniacly) America...

End Act 27

Act 28

Matt: (Badly beaten)

Adam: Y'know, you may have screwed up, but this pie is excellent! And so... yeah, I like pie.

Matt: Me too.

Michael: Yeah.

Mike: (Walks in) Mmmmmm... pie...

Sam: (Also walks in) Yes. Pie is quite meaningless.

Matt: Meaningless?

Adam: Aren't you dead?

Mike: Wait... haven't we done this scene before?

Matt: What?

Mike: The whole "pie is meaningless" thing.

Matt: Uh, I don't think so.

Everybody: ...

Matt: Whatever.

Adam: So... uh... pie is good?

Matt: Yes. Yes it is.

End Act 28

Act 29

(Vegeta hangs lifelessly from a rope at Capule Corporation HQ. Suddenly, Bulma walks in.)

Bulma: (Sees Vegeta) ... (Walks away)

End Act 29

Act 30

Matt: So.. we're like, royally screwed, right?

Mike: Yes. Yes, we are.

(Suddenly, the entire team of Z-Fighters enters. Bulma is dragging Vegeta's corpse. A group of maggots have eaten his right eye.)

Goku: This is the end for you!

Krillin: Prepare to go to the next dimension!

Adam: What...?

Krillin: You heard me!

Adam: ... the next dimension? What the Hell?

Krillin: ENOUGH! DESTRUCTO DISC! (He hurls a whirling blade at Adam. He jumps it. It slices Vegeta's corpse in half.)

Piccolo: (His skin is now a varitable cornucopia of colors.) {Note: He gotted rainbow skin} Ha! Ha! Now there is now way I can be a gay color!

Matt: ...rainbow skin? Are you kidding me?

Piccolo: ... it can't be!

Matt: Hold on! (Runs into Michael's room. Grabs a letter from the NGA {National Gayness Asociation} It reads, "Dear Michael, Our new official color is rainbow. Disregard all those letters about green, red, and yellow. Sincerely, Bob Gayness, Chairman.") See!

Piccolo: GAH! (He explodes)

Sam: That was...

Chaozu: SHUT THE HELL UP! (Punches Sam)

Sam: I will survive! (Leaps into his Gundam, grabs Chaozu, and hurls him into the sun.)

Tien: Michael is too strong! Vegeta! Help me!

Vegeta's Corpse: (His arm falls off)

Tien: Gohan! Help me!

Gohan: Go fuck yourself, you Goddamned circus freak.

Tien: (Bludgeoned to death by Michael.)

Puar: Mike! Once again, we battle!

Mike: (Shoots a barrage of bullets which spread in random directions)

Yamcha: (Dies)

Yajirobe: (Dies)

Gohan: (Dies)

Krillin: (Dies)

Bob Barker: (Dies)

Qeeqlegh: (Dies)

Relena Peacecraft: (Dies)

Batman: (Dies)

Vegeta's Corpse: (Dies... again)

Sailor Moon: (Dies)

Optimus Prime: (Dies)

George Washington: (Dies)

2Pac: (Dies)

The Three Stooges: (Die)

Ozzy Osbourne: (Bites the head off a bat. Dies.)

Eric Cartman: (Dies)

Yajirobe: (Dies again)

Puar: ... you missed me.

Clint: (Suddenly appears and stabs Puar in the eye)

Puar: You're dead!

Clint: Nobody ever really dies in the DBZ world!

Puar: ... oh yeah.

Vegeta's Corpse: ... *Cough!* ... my... my plan has worked! I can wipe out Kakarot, Puar, and that lesbian wife of mine in one fell swoop!

Trunks: Father! Don't!

Vegeta's Corpse... I mean, Vegeta: Trunks? You haven't even been born yet!

Trunks: Sure I have!

Vegeta: Nuh-uh!

Trunks: Yuh-huh!

Adam: Enough! Sword of Omens! Kick these bitches asses!

Sword of Omens: Now that's what I'm talkin' about! (Kills Vegeta, Puar, Goku, Bulma, Chi-Chi, Oolong, Master Roshi, Jerry Springer, and Yo Mama. Yes, I said Yo Mama.)

Adam: That's amzing!

Sword of Omens: ...fuck you... (Dies from exhaustion)

Adam: NOOOOO!

Matt: We won!

Sam: I will survive!

Matt: ... it's over. You did survive.

Sam: (His eyes widen) Mission...

Matt: SHIT! GET DOWN!

Sam: ... accept... just kidding.

Everybody: (Laughs)

End Act 30

Act 31

(A team of large eyed, animated warriors are on a carrier plane above the ocean.)

Joe: My legions! Come to me! Our attack shall begin soon!

Japanes Lady: Sir! Our happy fun attack shall begin in happy fun good soon time, yes?

Joe: ...what?

Japanese Lady: Ching-chong! Wing-wong!

Joe: ...anyway, my legions of anime and video game warriors shall win!

Japanes Lady: Yes!

Joe: SHUT UP! (He ki blasts her)

Japanese Lady: (Dies)

Joe: The first thing we must destroy... are the people who killed our Japanese brethren! The Z-Fighters must be avenged!

Legions of Warriors: Yeah!

End Act 31

Act 32

Matt: They're all dead.

Adam: Jeez...

Michael: I kind of feel sorry for them.

Mike: Yeah.

Sam: Their deaths were meaningless.

Clint: Let's bow our heads and pray.

(Two seconds later...)

Matt: Alright!

Adam: That was fun.

Michael: Who wants pie!

Mike: I do! I do!

Sam: I want some cherry... I mean... Mission... accepted!

Clint: Sweeet.

End Act 32

Act 33

Intermission

End Act 33

Act 34

(Suddenly, Clint is killed by a stray sword...)

Joe: DESTROY THEM!

Matt: Shit!

(One by one, Joe's team begins to win. Megatron rips Adam in half. Sam is killed in battle by Giant Robo. Mike's neck is snapped after Mario jumps on him. Michael is ran through by Link from the Legend of Zelda. Only Matt remains.)

Matt: You can't kill me! I'm the author of this story! I'll jjsut go back and delete my own death! Then, I'll kill you!

Joe: Nuh-uh! I am a God! (Goes Super Saiyan. Vegeta rolls in his grave)

Matt: Shit. (Killed by Joe)

End Act 34

Act 35

Narrator: And so, Joe went on to rule the world with an iron fist for the rest of his days. He changed his name to "High and Honorable Emperor =. Then Qeeqlegh changed his name to ~. They joined up with Vegeta and King Kai (Who had changed their names as well.) and became the boy band known as "Fuck You!"  
And so, :), #, =, and ~ went on to a succesful musical career.

THE END

Vegeta: (Pops out of a drum a la Porky Pig) Buh-deep, buh-deep, buh-deep, that's all folks!

_

So, I'm sure you're asking yourself, "Why did he post this?" "Nobody read the first part!" "Where's part four of the Idiot's Guide to the Dragonball Saga?" Well, I can answer all those questions. I posted this because Mike's going away and I wanted to print it out and show it to him before he left. You're right, only about ten people read part one. Part four of the Idiot's Guide is half done. It's coming along quite nicely.

So, let me end this with the usual stuff. Visit my webpage at rpg/MATTSPAGE. It should be getting a major redesign. By the way, if you know of a good website and want me to post it on my links page, have a good website and want me to post it on my links page, or just want to give some general comments aside from the review, feel free to E-Mail me at superguymatt .

And now, some thanks yous.

Thank you to Adam, for being in homeroom every morning for me to make fun of and ridicule. Thank you to Michael for being so gay. Thank you to Mike for, um, being there. Thank you to Sam for being Sam. Thank you to Clint for being such a bitch. Thank you to Joe for being the coolest geek I know.

Also, thanks to Mike G., Micheal C., Nick A., Severina, CatMarieS (Kibou), Showndra Ridge, and Some Random Guy. Stay tuned for more stuff. I ain't done writin' yet.


End file.
